THE ELECTRONUKE

DATABASE

WARNING: This is not a legitimate informational source!

As all the shameless implementation of personal opinions and not-so-subtle condescension suggest, you should never attempt to cite any of the information provided here in a professional context, whether that be an academic paper, science journal, research study, BuzzFeed article, 4chan board, or QAnon conspiracy blog. Please do not connect me to 4chan or QAnon. This is more or less a wiki of sorts containing articles for various people, places, interests, and inside jokes that are of some value to me, and the majority of this content is intentionally comedic. Everything you see here is for entertainment purposes only. The only recommended uses of this database are mindless scrolling, cheap laughter, and the desperate search for unpopular opinions to complain about on X. Please direct all angry emails to ihavecomicscriptstowrite@getlost.com.

Categories

The articles featured here fall into seven distinct categories.

Normies — People, creatures, and entities who are unmistakably tangible, i.e. are not the results of orgasmic acid trips, Starro mind control sessions, or nightmares following the consumption of three bananas and cinnamon oatmeal.

Characters — Meaningless figures trapped in the irony vortex of fiction, existent only in the minds of delusional mental patients and/or Discord moderators.

Cliques — Groups of normies or characters who, as long as you meet their bogus social expectations or stay out of their way entirely, couldn’t give less of a damn.

Settings — Places where normies and characters can go to live, visit, think, read, murder, streak, eat marshmallows, snort oxy, test hydrogen bombs, or argue over nontroversies that’ll be forgotten within the week.

Brands — Sources of fictional characters and settings, usually driven by creativity, commercial profit, human perversion, emotional manipulation, and/or the construct that anyone’s hard work and property can be defiled once they’re out of the picture.

MacGuffins — Not sandwiches sold at McDonalds, but really just… things. Physical things, no less.

Abstractions — Concepts related to language, beliefs, or anything else you can’t see, touch, smell, lick, torture, get drunk, or force to watch The Bachelorette.

Lone-Zones

Each article belongs to a “lone-zone” that represents how positive or negative my connection to the subject is. These zones are signified by a straightforward color code.

Blue Zone — Sam loves some of these things and really likes the rest.

Green Zone — These range from very good to very tolerable.

Yellow Zone — Eh. They’re manageable, but he could do without them.

Orange Zone — There are certain things to keep a fair distance from whenever possible.

Red Zone — Unless you feel like seeing an autistic contrarian swing a buzzsaw…